Daily Kvetch

People Be Funny N Stuff

Tonight I bring you two tales of how people have amused and/or disgusted me this week!

First, the amusement (which is likely disgust for the person involved as you shall see).  One of my friends just had a baby this week, a beautiful bouncing baby boy.  This is their second child and the husband, a roommate of mine from way back in college days, sent out the emailed birth announcement.  The attached pic showed his clearly exhausted but proud wife lying back in the hospital bed holding the just fresh from the oven baby.  The picture had clearly been taken perhaps minutes after the birth but one issue remained, her hospital gown was placed just so that you could see a whole lotta nipple.

Now I am by no means a prude and I don't think she is either but this email went out to pretty much everyone they knew, including elderly family members.  What is more the husband sent the email from the wife's email account and didn't sign his name making it look like she was the one sending out nipple pics of herself.

I am not sure how she reacted to all this but an updated email was sent out today with a pic of the whole family, all clothed, smiling before leaving the hospital.

It reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine sends a Xmas card out to everyone she knows with a picture on if where she is unknowingly flashing some nipple.  I laughed out loud at the scene where George berates her for not sending him a card and she yells, "You want a card?  You want a card?  Here's your card!" and grabs his head and mushes it in her chest.

The other tale is not so fun loving but amuses me nonetheless.

Since I have become an official stay at home mom I have been looking for things to do with A.  She really lights up when she is around other babies and other people and I discovered an excellent family center in my town with baby play groups for free.  They place is stocked with awesome toys and a bucket to throw toys that have been slobbered on so they can get cleaned.  There is a leader who does about 15 minutes of songs and music and the rest of the hour is just the moms and babies hanging out chatting while the babies interact with each other and toys.

Anyway, since it is free and open to all moms and babies I have met a real cross section of ladies.  As in life, most people you meet are nice and interesting enough but occasionally there is someone you really click with and sometimes there are those who should come with a warning label. 

This week I met the latter.

One of the very first questions that anyone will ask in these groups is the "How old is your baby?" one.  It is a totally fair question, one I too open up with.  Baby A is 10 months old.  She looks 10 months old as she weighs in with a bruising 22 lbs and is pretty tall as well.  She is, however, developmentally delayed in gross motor and perhaps some other areas too as she does not yet wave or clap for example.  She does not crawl, she does not pull to stand, she can roll but sometimes gets stuck.  She can sit for long periods but will fall back and hurt herself if there is no pillow behind her.

So this lady comes in with a 9 month old baby girl who is totally adorable and waving and clapping and smiling up a storm.  We do the chit chat about birthdays and age and names and coo at each other's baby and then she asks if my baby is crawling yet and I told her that she isn't and explained that she has low muscle tone and is getting physical therapy to help her develop those skills.  She looks all horrified and then says in almost whispered tones, "Oh your poor baby!  Is she a cripple?"

Um, yeah.  No.

Clearly girlfriend here is a) a new mom with very little experience with watching other babies develop and b) an idiot.

She also asked me for my contact info so we could hang out.  I gave it to her because I am a sucker but mentioned that with my son's schedule I am pretty busy.  The real reason is that I just don't want to hang out with people who use terms like "a cripple."

So yes, people be funny n' stuff!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Sorry for abandoning the blog for a bit.  It has been one heck of a week and I barely had time to shower let alone try to put coherent thoughts together.

Guess who is still waiting to get H1N1 shots?  My kids!  Over the week I heard time and again from people I know that finally got their kids vaccinated.  I even heard that some healthy adults without babies in the house got vaccinated!  But my high risk asthma kids?  Nooooooway!

Turns out the pediatrician office I go to must have pissed off the vaccine distributors because to date they have only had one drop and used them all up.  They tell me they are expecting another round soon but they cannot guarantee me that my kids will be selected to receive it.  Then I stumbled across a free h1n1 clinic put on by the town this morning for 5-9 year olds!  I literally ran into it thinking it was the place to go vote for the city council members today and I was on a walk with A.  They were closing in 15 minutes which would not give me enough time to walk home, drive and get LM, drive him back and lie through my teeth about his age.  Heck he looks 5 and is almost 5!

Info on this secret 2 hour free clinic for kids apparently went out to parents of kids in the public school but LM is too young for kindergarten so we had no clue.  I called the public health department for the town and was basically told to go to my pediatrician.

The reason I am so hot to get my kids vaccinated is that A's daycare actually got closed down last week because in one day 70% of the kids called out sick with high fevers.  They closed the school for 2 days to do a deep cleaning.  They reopened on Monday, which is when I went in to sign the paperwork to terminate her attendance in daycare and accepted my full time stay at home motherdom with her until 2010.

This decision was also made hot on the heels of B meeting with the HR person at the company he contracts at where they discussed the details of his becoming a permanent employee with benefits.  We were feeling pretty good, the salary was more than we expected, and we wouldn't be bleeding out our savings to pay for health insurance every month.  Sure it would be tight to live off of one salary but at least we'd be covered.

Monday he met with his new manager, a guy that is new to the company.  This guy has stopped the process of B becoming a permanent employee for an unspecified amount of time.  Why?  Because he is the boss and he doesn't want to be tied to decisions made before he came on board.  He said he has heard good things about B's work but figures all the contractors want to become permanent so he wants to wait and see and determine if it would be the best fit.

So shit on us universe.

The good news is that it wasn't like he was fired.  He still works there, just on contract.  The bad news is that we still have to pay health care, he doesn't get any benefits such as paid sick time or holidays and all because the new guy wants to show who has hand.

Sure other stuff has been going on, we had our first ever kids Halloween party (please tell me, is it kid's halloween or kids halloween - I mean the 's shows ownership so I think it is the former but it looks wrong).  It was a spur of the moment decision I had back when fall had begun and the colors on the trees looked so pretty and LM was so excited about Halloween and I was feeling all June Cleevery. 

Original plans had us trying to make a very decorated haunted room and have crafts projects stolen from magazines I looked at.  Of course all of this was way beyond me so instead I got some decorations, stuffed a ghost pinata full of toys and treats, bought a bunch of mini pumpkins and things to decorate them with, and made some orange food colored sugary treats.  Some of the other moms pitched in with homemade goods and really, it was a good 2-3 hours of kid fun.  All the kids, save 2 older boys that my neighbor brought along (she was babysitting) had a good time.  The party poopers, dressed as ninjas, at one point could be heard complaining, "Is this party over yet?"  To which I replied, "You can go at any time!"

Prepping for a party knocks the wind out of me though.  Trying to make the house presentable is just exhausting.  It made me rethink having a birthday party here in a couple weeks that is for sure.

Sorry for the super boring post - I have this to say to daylight savings time....You suck!  I get less sleep, the kids wake up at the same time and all week long I feel like I am hung over.  Makes me almost want to move to Arizona or something.

Swine Flu and Clowns

I don't know what is going on in other parts of the country but here in Massachusetts it is easier to go up to an ATM machine and yell, "Give me Money!" and have it spit $20s at you than it is to get an H1N1 vaccine shot. 

My kids are both higher risk because they have asthma but apparently they didn't rank for the very first limited batch of doses that their doctor's office received.  I was told that the pediatricians are basically ranking the kids as to who gets shots when they arrive.  I called and was basically told they could take our names and put us on an "interested party" list.

A friend of mine is pregnant and she is still waiting for her OBGYN to get some vaccine so she can get a shot.  Until then she is, under doctor's orders, sequestering herself away from gatherings of children.  This means she can't come to my birthday party because about 10 kids will be there.  This of course makes me wonder if I am doing right by my kids having a party, taking them to parties, allowing them out of the house without their protective bubble.

Parenthood is a crap shoot sometimes, you just sometimes have no idea if you are making the right decision and hoping that everything will turn out OK.

So about my looming big day of turning forty....

I decided to have a party.  I suppose it is sort of vain to throw oneself a birthday party but I haven"t had an actual birthday party since, well, since, hmmm?  I think maybe I turned 34?  I can't really recall.  It could be that my brain is too aged to remember but I think the last birthday party I had was when B had all my friends hide at a great somewhat fancy Asian fusion restaurant and then, knowing I had invited them all, pretended they had all canceled at the last minute so when I was all sad and mopey and feeling like an unloved loser, they all came out of a back room and in front of many unsuspecting diners who had no clue who I was I turned to B and said far too loudly, "You son of a bitch!"

Anyway, my party went through quite the evolution.  I think, had I been working and we had some money, I might have had it at some other place like a small room at a restaurant or so and invited everyone I know in the area and have it catered with an open bar and hired a balloon twister for the kids.  For a long while I was going to have it at our smallish apartment and have it catered by a nearby and awesome BBQ place as I do not want to cook.

But then how much does one spend on their own birthday party?  Especially when one is unemployed?  $200?  $300?  $25.67? 

B had a brilliant idea, as per usual.  We started talking about goody bags that kids get at birthday parties (mind you, I loathe those but that is a rant for another time, I merely now accept them as part of the currency of hosting a kid's party).  He then suggested what if the goody bag was filled with things for aging adults and then we went back and forth with suggestions.  Mini bottles of alcohol? Dental floss?  Bags of medicated wipes for hemorrhoids?  Fiber tablets?   It went on and then our idea was born.  A kid's party!  But for adults!

So yes at my house.  Goody bags for kids and adults, pizza, juice boxes, alcohol, cake, ice cream, and held at the very kid friendly times of 4-7pm since most of the guests have kids.

I wanted to bang it up a notch so I looked up face painters.  I figured there would be a ton of them who wouldn't mind coming over for an hour and painting the kid's faces for $100 or so.  But they are pretty elusive.  What I got instead was a bunch of actual clowns going through an organization willing to do it for $250+ for 90 minutes tops. 

I was tempted but then no... I may be pushing 40 and apparently senile but I am not crazy!

But there are some fall festivals coming up before my birthday and there might be some face painters there I can schmooze....

Or I can maybe strike a deal with this guy, who we nicknamed "Boozy the Clown" that was at a festival we went to this past weekend.

Shilling for Cash!

Guess who won $50 trying to be all creative with Uncrustables frozen peanut butter sandwiches?  That would be me at "First Place winner #8" - second from last).  Personally, I thought mine kicked the grand prize winner's butt, but I guess Smuckers disagreed.  Oh well, I am happy with my $50!

http://www.blogher.com/check-out-winner-entries-get-creative-smuckers-uncrustables-contest

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Getting a Job...

So you know how I have been bemoaning the fact that I haven't gotten a job yet, barely getting any interviews and the one job I had a great shot at dried up because they are a start up and decided they wanted an actual software coder months after they interviewed me?  Well, it turns out I have been screwing myself silly (and not even enjoying it).

A little over a week ago I went to a lecture at the nearby career center.  In order to keep getting my unemployment benefits, I am required to do at least 3 job search activities per week and going to the career center counts.  It was put on by Harvard U and it was actually very interesting and beneficial but one thing I learned was that I need to have a computer skills section in the front of my resume where I spell out each and every software package, computing language and tool I know how to use plus what environments I am experienced in (such as Agile Scrum for those in the know).

Well I didn't have this.  The reason I didn't have this is the fancy pants career transition group that my former employer set us up with told me not to do it.  If I was a developer sure, but "employers looking for a project manager will know you know all the right tools" and honestly, I believed them because I have never really had to look for a job and this was the 3rd draft of a resume I ever wrote.

So the lecturer went over how if the word "excel" isn't spelled out and one of the requirements for the job is excel, bye bye resume.  It makes sense since there are a ton of people looking for work and only so many positions so recruiters are basically just trying to find any reason to make their stack of resumes for serious consideration smaller.

I then updated my resume, using all sorts of keywords I had found reading the numerous job postings I had, and reposted my resume to all the major job boards only to find that when I originally posted my resume back in July when I started to look, I had marked my resume private, meaning no one could find me and I wouldn't turn up in employer searches. 

Clearly I need to remove "attention to detail" from my resume.

A few hours after I clicked submit, I started getting some calls and even had a few phone screens and one in person interview already.  I also discovered that this is not really what I want to do anymore.

You know that phrase "everything happens for a reason?"  I hate that phrase with a seething passion usually reserved for child pornographers or that MTV show "The Hills."  I hated every time it was uttered to me by some well meaning person in response to the bad things happening in my life, like LM's whole first year of developmental delay and misdiagnoses, and my miscarriages, or when I lost my baby to Trisomy 18.  It wasn't as bad as "God only gives you as much as you can handle" but it was up there in my book.

Ironically, I sort of think that my idiocy happened for a reason.  It gave me more time to be a stay at home mother and spend more time with my kids.  It helped me find the right school for LM and pick him up at 3pm so now he is so happy and having one great day after another, and we haven't even tried the meds yet to see if he may truly have ADHD.  It has helped me spend more time with baby A who I feel so much more bonded to than when LM was her age.

To go back to work full time would mean that I might see her awake half an hour a day from Monday thru Friday.  She pretty much crashes around 6:30pm most nights and between commuting and pickup from daycare, I don't think I'd get home before 6pm with her.  New jobs usually aren't so flexible, they wouldn't allow me to work from home a couple of days a week, like when LM was a baby.  They wouldn't likely allow me to only be in the office 7 hours and work an additional hour after the kids were asleep, like my last company.

So, on the news that B is going to be hired on a perm member of his company (with health benefits hooray!), I decided it would be better for me to focus my search on a part time job.  I am targeting universities and hospitals so far because Boston is lousy with them but the pickings for office jobs are slim.  I will keep at it though because it is a worthy goal for me.

Yes, this will mean our ability to buy a house will be pushed off for a couple of years and I expect to loose some respect from some friends and family over that but we like where we live now and I guess if people are going to judge us poorly for renting well, then everything might happen for a reason and I might stick my tongue out at them.  They can handle it, God gave them that ability.

Dating

I went out this past Saturday night with new local girlfriends.  I have been hanging out some with my new local friend whom I met via the fact that she recognized my name from the town free cycle email list and my cousin's facebook friend list.  She is also unemployed and expecting her first child and we hit it off pretty instantly and since she is available during the day, she has come to join baby A and I for lunch and chatter at my house on occasion.

Anyway, she organized a ladies night out and she and her longtime friend, another cool lady, picked me  up and whisked me off for dinner at a Tibetan restaurant not too far from Harvard University.  I honestly cannot remember the last time I went out to dinner with a group of female friends, I think it may have been actual years rather than months.

I loved every minute of it, from being a passenger with no responsibility for maneuvering the crazy one way streets of the Boston area, to sitting in a restaurant that didn't have high chairs or serve drinks in a cup with a lid and a straw, to chatting and laughing with fun smart women.

What amazed me was all the people milling around the area (Porter Square in Somerville for those who know the area).  From my back seat vantage point I saw all the young good looking college kids out for a night on the town and remarked how crowded it was and one of the women said, "Yes, well this is Saturday night in a college town - this is what people do, they go out."

Oh how I laughed because yes, indeed, I used to go out a lot in the before time but now it is like I am a tourist in a strange land open mouthed and gaping at the local culture.  "You mean they don't put on their iPods and scrub the bathroom and collapse in a heap in front of the TV in their sweat pants and then fall asleep at 11pm?  How quaint these people are!  How charming!"

Of my companions, one had recently divorced after a decade with her husband and the other was a newlywed.  Both had spent many a time in the online dating world and the stories they told, oh the stories!

One woman told of a first date wherein the guy, after being very boring all dinner, reached across and took some of her food of her plate and ate it.  When she asked why he did that (she had been planning to box it up and take it home), he told her that he figured he could eat it since he was paying for it.

Another story involved the date inserting himself between her and her car and insisting on a good night kiss because he had paid for dinner.  One bad date had even asked her, when they first met, if she "always left her house looking like that."

Now I have been with B for going on 11 years now.  I am now suitably terrified of what the dating life would be like if he was ever to leave me.  That said, I do have a good bad dating story of my own!  It happened probably a few months before I met my husband who thankfully was an excellent date (despite farting loudly in a bookstore on our first date - hands off ladies he's mine!)

I had begun dating someone that I worked with right after I moved to California and we slugged through 2 years of being together even though it was very clear the last year that we were a terrible match.  When you go to couple's counseling, and you are not married, intending for the therapist to tell you to break up, well, you know it wasn't meant to be.  But I digress....

Once this guy and I broke up I was living single in the Bay Area and that is a pretty great place to be.  Through a few friends I met a guy who was very good looking and smart and funny and I thought, "why not?"  He thought the same thing so invited me out for coffee at a cafe where he taught me to play Scrabble because a) I had never really played (I know, I know) and b) he played in tournaments.  The date went well but had that distinct, "Is this a date or not?" quality to it.  There was no kiss at the end.

Our second "date" was soon after when I invited him to a film festival event I was involved with.  Again, no physical contact but we had already scheduled date #3, a concert in San Francisco for an obscure band we both liked.

This is the scene of the crime.

He had asked to meet me at a cafe near the ocean hours before the show so we could play Scrabble and hang out, then we would drive cross the city in one car to the show.  It was a horribly windy and rainy day and I had never been to this particular cafe nor really this part of the city.  Needless to say, this was pre-GPS and with the weather so bad, driving and finding the place was stressful.  More stressful that he didn't show up.

Oh he eventually did, over an hour late with the excuse that his soccer game had gone late. He showed to our "date" wearing torn and dirty sweat pants and then asked if I wouldn't mind if he got a latte.  He had left his wallet in his car.  I gave him a $10 and he pocketed the change.

We drove in his car through the city to go to the concert which was fun enough but ended late.  The weather had calmed down but it was still cold and wet out and worse, it was midnight.  That is a bad time to turn to me and say that he was tired and could he put me on a bus that would take me to my car?  No sir, you may not!  I made him drive me to my car. 

Now by this point of course I knew this was not really a date and there was no romance in the air.  Honestly, I was no longer even interested.  It was pretty clear that I had failed the two trial dates and he was passive aggressively trying to dissuade me from wanting to be with him.  Believe me, it worked.  Message received.

So it was overkill that when we got to my car and I said goodnight and got out of the car to go to mine that he followed me to my car, gave me an awkward hug and then proceeded to pee in the bushes.

So please B, never leave me because I can't go back out there!

Do you have any good bad date stories?  Please share!

Check, Check, and Check!

Don't let my recent list of accomplishments fool you, most of the times I feel like an inept failure.  Take this morning for example.  It has turned cold here as autumn has made it clear that she is the gateway to winter.  This means we are all starting to get colds and also that the morning and nightly routines have the lovely addition of breathing treatments for the kids. As my friend Jessica and I like to say, "What is it with our kids and their crappy lungs?"  Luckily, so far, at least for LM, the issues are relegated to the fall/winter months and the rest of the year he is fine and not in need of asthma meds.  We'll see how closely A follows in his footsteps lung wise.

Anyway, feeling under the weather I doped up on some Theraflu last night and went to bed.  This guaranteed that I slept soundly but also that when A, otherwise known as my 20 pound alarm clock, woke me up with her calls from her room, that I would feel as coherent as David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger on Youtube (if you want the reference, go here, it isn't pretty but neither am I in the morning).

The long and the short of it is I was able to get the kids fed, medicated, and clothed and in the car on time but had to lock them in and run in the house two separate times, one for LM's lunch, and the other for a sweater for him to wear at school since he was complaining about being cold in his jacket but the drive to school takes less than 3 minutes.  Now before you go and call CPS, I was out of their sight for less than 20 seconds, and they were locked in the car.  I could see them at all times and it was cold out so for the approximate 1 minute they were in the car before I started the engine, there was no way they would suffocate.

But to get them to school on time meant that a) I took them there wearing what I slept in (sweat pants, tshirt, and fleece pullover) with b) no bra on.  Yep, I didn't even have time to take my shirt and fleece off to put on a bra.  I got them to school by the very last second I possibly could.

Luckily, the fleece didn't reveal the "girls" so I feel secure in knowing my secret was safe.

But ugh, how I hate that I can barely control the mornings!  And I basically am out of bed a good 90 minutes before we head out the door.  Clearly things need to change.

In other news, I am thinking strongly about taking A out of daycare until January.  Currently, A is in daycare MWF from about 9:30am-3pm.  This time is for me to look for a job.  Being that it is getting close to holiday time, it is not looking like I will get a job anytime soon.  I had also secured a spot for her in a much closer daycare for her to start there January 1.  This means that I do have to give notice by mid November at her current place.  Why not save the money and just take her out entirely until then?

Financially it would be smart but psychologically I wonder.  Would basically admitting defeat on the job search be a good or bad thing?  Can I do the full time stay at home mom thing without going insane?  I can barely get the general cook/clean stuff done on the days I have my "must be held and played with at all times teething wonder" baby girl as it is?

Of course, there is the whole flu season stuff to consider.  She hasn't even had a flu shot yet let alone one for the swine flu.  She is on a list but they ran out of infant flu shots at our pediatrician's office but her asthma puts her at the top to get the shot once it is in.  If she is in daycare she is likely getting more exposure to the flu or would she get more exposure with my dragging her more places if she was in my care full time?

See, inept.  Like I said.

Still nothing new on the upstairs neighbor front.  They seemed to be all happy at the block party we had this weekend and I haven't really run into them for more than the quick smile and hello coming and going.

Oh and remember that job I interviewed at way back when with my ex-manager?  I talked to him last week.  They still haven't hired anyone!  He was embarrassed that I had said that I had come in there 3 months ago.  According to him they are now using the req to back fill the engineering lead and they need an engineer and not a project manager but this, plus the fact that it is a small start up company, leads me to believe the place/position is not for me.  I love my former manager and co-worker but seriously?  I interviewed 3 months ago and they not only have not hired anyone but don't know what they want enough to make a decision on what the job really is!

Me, Baby A, and "the girls"

Taken today at our block party.  I didn't realize until I saw this picture that I was showing off so much boobage...

Updates and Mememememe

Nothing too new and exciting has happened so far with the upstairs neighbors.  As posted in the comments section of my last post, I ran into both of them individually the day after.  The husband apologized for getting me in the middle of their problems and I brushed it off with a "Don't worry about it" and a "Everyone needs to vent sometimes" before switching topics to the weather.  When I ran into the wife alone, I asked if she was ok and she didn't really pursue any further meaningful communication so I let it go at that.

I haven't heard anything unusual coming from upstairs.  I see each parent taking their daughter out to play or for a walk but other than that, it has been quieter than usual.  I am not sure what to make of that so I am just staying the course, trying not to get involved unless there is an obvious reason to do so.

On the LM and medication front, we still have not tried the medication to test to see if he has ADHD.  He had 2 very good weeks at school marred by one bad day in which he hit a student twice.  When I took him to the car I asked him if he hit a friend and he said yes and then asked if he could watch TV when we got home.  I said if he hit someone that means no TV and knock wood, there haven't been any more incidents.

We are still thinking we will wait for the second opinion from when he is evaluated by the school district although that is still not set up yet.  They have like 45 days to do it and it seems to me 2 weeks of that have passed and still I have not heard a thing which means I should likely call to follow up.  Bleh.

Recently,Elizasmom posted an entry wherein she took an idea Dina had and inadvertently turned it into a Meme.  I had read the original post wherein Dina had expressed her 4 biggest accomplishments and encouraged her readers to do the same.  At the time I was in a bad mood and my default setting is to harp on the negative when it comes to myself and not really take stock of the good.  Oh sometimes I do it, but that day I was in no mood.  NO MOOD!

But I was thinking about it today as I was waiting at the dermatologist's office for her to take my stitches out (revealing my new very obvious and intriguing scar high on my chest for all to see) and thought I would take a stab at it (no pun intended).

I was thinking about accomplishments in general and what people would consider my accomplishments versus what I considered.  For instance, I have Masters degree but I don't consider that an accomplishment at all.  Simply I was a good student and had no idea what to do with my life post college so away to graduate school I went.

So here are what I consider to be my greatest accomplishments:

1)  My marriage. 
It isn't just because I picked the right guy (oh but I did!).  It is because we both have worked so hard to keep our marriage functional.  Just this morning B and I were talking about the lowest point in our relationship.  Ironically, it wasn't being evicted when we were both unemployed and suffering from newborn A's colic.  Instead it was when LM was a baby.  Not only did we have an adjustment to life with a newborn, but LM was difficult from pregnancy onwards.  We had my PPD, then there were all of LM's developmental delays and all the doctors and the different potential diagnoses from brain damage to global development delay, to autism.  Our communication broke down and we reminded ourselves of the 2 days we refused to talk to one another after a huge fight and how he had considered leaving me.  We remarked about how much better we were doing now with baby A then we did with LM as a baby.

I am proud that I have made my marriage a priority even when it wasn't going so well.  We had a year of couple's counseling and have had moments where we have had to come together to work on ways to keep the magic and improve communication but we have and I am proud of this.

2) My Children
By far the best accomplishment I have is my two wonderful children.  One look at their smiling beautiful faces and I know I did something incredible here.  Of course parenting isn't always easy, and it isn't like I have perfect children (see LM hitting a kid twice this week) but I have happy, relatively healthy kids who know every moment of every day that they are loved and that they are my first priority.  I am a good mother, not a perfect one.  I am always there for them, I take care of them, I foster a sense of happiness, knowledge, and self worth in them, and I love them more than life itself. 

3) My Resilience
Perhaps resilience isn't an accomplishment but in my book it is.  I haven't had a bad life, I had a wonderful childhood with two functional parents (yes, even with dad's OCD) who put their kids first and foremost.  That said, life has had its share of ups and downs.  I had a major accident when I was a kid and spent a year in a body cast and relearning how to walk, despite the fact that the odds were against my total recovery.  I have had 7 surgeries, including 4 abdominal ones.  I had 2 cancer scares with 2 tumors that were both thankfully benign.  I had 2 miscarriages and chose to terminate my pregnancy with my child who had trisomy 18.  I had a rough time with LM (pregnancy, PPD, developmental delays, potential ADHD) .  I got laid off twice, and have been out of work almost a year facing some scary financial and personal realities.  I have been evicted and had to pack and move within a month while balancing sleeplessness, a newborn, and a preschooler with transition issues. 

I can't say that I have dealt with all of these situations with utmost grace and poise, but I have gotten through them and continued on.  I have maintained my sense of humor throughout my life and that too is an accomplishment.

4)  My Blog
No, it hasn't made me rich, famous, or even a better writer but it has allowed me a chance to deepen friendships with some and develop new friendships with some I would never have known otherwise.  It has allowed me a great way to keep in touch with folks I could easily have lost contact with and given me an outlet to express myself and ask for help/advice and receive it when necessary.  I am one of those people with great ideas but crummy follow through so it has been an accomplishment that I have kept up this blog for 4 years.  Go me!

Ok folks, what are your 4 biggest accomplishments?  Feel free to blog about it or add it in the comments below or not, totally up to you!

 

Un-com-fortable

I am pleased to report that both my children are virtually lead free!  Their "from the vein" tests came back as low as could be although the pediatrician and I did speculate as to how A may have had lead on her fingers for the finger prick test.  "Do you by any chance do any hobbies like stained glass making and perhaps have her on your lap when you are doing it?" 

Now the only reason I remotely know how stained glass is made is because B's mom, before the Parkinson's Disease overtook her, was an amazing stained glass artist.  Whole floor to ceiling windows in her home attest to this and I was once, long ago, given a tour of her studio way beyond her sumptuous garden in her backyard.  Stained glass involves things like a soldering iron and well, I can't imagine hanging out with a baby who grabs and shoves everything in her mouth while using one, but I guess the pediatrician can never be too careful.  I guess I should be happy she didn't ask if I have a meth lab in my kitchen.

As I am sure the parents of older kids know, the older the kids get the harder it is to get things like blood tests done. It was bad enough with baby A but then again she is tiny and I could easily hold and restrain her and she had no idea what was about to happen going so much as to give the lab tech a big gooey smile as she got the needle ready.  Well, LM is almost 5 and, how do I put this?  It was really rather unpleasant.

We were still riding on the flu shot experience and he knows what the building looks like when we pull into the medical office.  I explained to him that we needed to test his blood for something that could make him very very sick and explained that it would be fast and oh, look at all these yummy chocolate chip cookies and bottles of apple juice I brought.  And hey, look at these Spiderman toys I just happen to have with me.

No dice.  I actually got some of the LM his old teachers saw as he fought me and spit at me and stuck his tongue out and tried to upend the tray with the blood test tubes.  Luckily, they brought in an additional lab tech who was the kid whisperer and as I held LM she held his arm and explained what was going to happen in a very comforting way and told him he could cry and scream and even call her names.  She made him laugh and although he did cry when the needle went in, he stopped soon after when she told him that was the only part that hurt and then he actually started asking some questions like, how much blood were they taking and wouldn't he need that blood. 

He was pretty much over it by the time we got home and actually asked me to stop telling him how proud I was and how brave he was.

I was already pretty sure that the result would be good and we wouldn't have to move but the call today settled it and for a brief period of time all was well in the world.  We had our cozy little place on the pretty street with our awesome neighbors.

But you know me right, so something has to go wrong.

We live in a two family home.  There are tons of them in this area.  We occupy the first floor and our upstairs neighbors live above us and we share a basement and garage.  They are very nice folks, originally from Pakistan.  The husband is around 50 and has been in this country for almost 20 years.  His wife is much younger and I have been led to believe they were sort of an arranged match.  They have an adorable 18 month daughter who loves my kids and always wants to play with LM.

In the afternoons, early evenings, and weekends, it is not uncommon to find me and the kids out in front of the house playing.  We don't have a backyard as it has been all tarred over for driveway and parking.  But, as we hang out, the neighbors come over and many a time there are kids playing and parents chatting and it is all so very...pleasant.

Anyway, I usually talk to the dad as he is the one who is out the most and, like me, he is unemployed and his wife doesn't work.  He got laid off last November and has not had much luck even though recently he took his job search national willing to relocate anywhere.  Occasionally he complains a bit about his wife, how she refuses to look for a job (she has never worked in this country), how she doesn't exercise and her back always hurts, how she doesn't try to make friends with anyone, etc.  It is usually in passing and I sort of ignore it.

So imagine my surprise when the doorbell rang as I was mid diaper change.  I ended up hauling A in her diaper and barely hooked up onesie to answer the door.  The door to my apartment leads to a small hall and then I can look out the front door to see who it is before I decide to open it or not.  Instead, as I opened the door to the hall, my upstairs's neighbor was there - the wife.  She was crying.

I asked her what was wrong and she started talking about how someone needs to know that if something happens to her it is his doing (pointing upstairs).  I was shocked and asked if she was ok.  She went on about how her husband is always so nice to everyone but with her he says terrible and mean things and is abusive and she hates him.

You would think this couldn't get worse, right?

He opens the door upstairs and starts to walk down.  He says, "What's going on?"  She looks up at him and screams, "This has nothing to do with you!"

He says, "You need medication."  She screams that he needs medication and then he says she must have PMS and she yells back that he blames everything on her period and he has PMS 365 days a year.  Then he walks back in his place and closes the door.

She then continues about what a terrible person he is and how she is going to take their daughter and go back to Pakistan and how he is not the man she married and he has mental problems and that someone needs to know in case something happens to her.

I was, as you can imagine, stunned.  I offered to have her come inside but she said no and just nodded and walked upstairs.

At this point, I had to leave to go get LM from school.  Normally after school, we come home and play outside for a while but this time I didn't want to really make awkward conversation with either of them so I packed what I would need to take the kids to the park and off I went praying I wouldn't run into either of them going to the car.

So, my lovely little home and my happiness over not having to leave it has been replaced with this. What is going on up there?  I mean, I can hear a lot of things, because this is a very old house and not well insulated so we often hear anything from walking to music playing, to sometimes the sounds of voices.  I don't hear many things that sound like fights, occasional, but nothing to raise an eyebrow.

From what I have witnessed they both love their little girl a lot and she is well cared for. 

Honestly, I am not sure what to do.  I don't want to ignore a cry for help but I don't want to be put in the middle of a domestic squabble.  I know how unemployment can take a toll not just financially but also break down the spirit.

But now, well, the whole "yay, so happy we don't have to move" thing has a bit of tarnish on it.